Monday, March 24, 2008

I Do

Sitting on the terrace in my shorts.
Sipping hot coffee, reading the paper.
Politics and sports, business and cinema.
Many paragraphs with long sentences. (Not to mention the difficult words!)
I still don’t understand why I read it.
The sun is about to wake up. His first rays warming up the air.
I stand, stretch, and take a deep breath.
A tiny trickle of sweat from the temple. A distant muscle being flexed out from slumber.
Time to go.
The hands in my pockets, and a tune on my lips.
I walk down…
I Think of you.

A silent shower, a colder breakfast.
A dash of deo, and a whole lot of comb.
Blue jeans, red shirt.
Wet hair and a day old stub.
I look into the mirror…
It’s been only a month and I have changed this much.
Sleepless nights and untouched dinners. Bag of bones and bags under my eyes.
Hair all ruffled. Nails all uncut. Empty sockets and a broken heart.
That’s all I got left with me.
It’s been only a month…
I Think of you.

On the road, it begins to rain.
Ah! The faint sweet smell of earth as it gets drenched.
I run for cover. The bus stop is full.
I squeeze in somehow; somewhere between dripping gunny bags and a leaking roof.
I sit and watch a normal day getting beautifully distorted by the rain.
A toddler with a huge raincoat gets a goodbye kiss from his mom as he gets on to the bus.
Urchins playing with paper boats. Watching them disappear down the drain.
A couple huddled tightly under the umbrella as they walk. Hand in Hand.
I clean my wet specs with my wet shirt to see more.
More clouds gather…
I Think of you.

Open highway, fast pace.
Horns and lights, left and right.
Stop and go, up and down below.
The world is spinning fast.
5th gear in position, the accelerator to the max.
The speedometer rises, so does my heart rate.
I feel the rush of wind and water against my face.
I’m cold, shivering, and wet to the bone marrow.
I’m alive…
I Think of you.

Back bench in class, first to doze off.
Closed eyes and open mind, hovering somewhere between alive and absent.
I drool, I doodle, and I am bored.
Periods move on. Dull story with the same actors.
Fervent jotting down of notes. Ticking away with calculators. A beg here and a borrow there for a pen.
All signs of study! Everybody plays their role well.
I only worry about what the hell is wrong with my watch?
Nirvana is the word I am searching for.
At last! Saved by the bell…
I Think of you.

The rain ceased. The puddles are ready to leave.
I’m back home.
Drop my bag in my room; I go out for a walk.
All the birds are returning to their nests. They worked pretty hard at the office.
Stained collars, crumpled shirts, empty carriages. Behind them is a long day’s work.
I reach the ground.
A game with the buddies is a must after an exhausting day at college. What can be better than a ball in the goal, or a bail off the stump?
Vegetables and fishes are all sold out. Anybody wants to eat Pani-puri? Noodles?
With our stomachs full and muscles all tired, we march back home.
Up in the sky, the sun is going back to sleep. Every cloud gets its silver lining.
I see them…
I think of you.

The moon’s on the high, so am I.
Back on the terrace, under the blanket of tiny dots.
My back on the ground and eyes to the skies.
A coke bottle on one side, and a switched off cell on the other.
Clouds from the Far East. Is that a duck there? Doesn’t that one look like a car?
I let my imagination run wild.
A quiet breeze picks up. The moon floats, the clouds stand.
Haha! I see stillness in motion.
The moon, the clouds, my tiny winking friends, and a chilled carbonated drink. Could have asked for nothing more!
I think of you.

Tomorrow will be another day.
The drill of the same old routine will continue.
A circle has no edges. It will rain again…
Or maybe not!
Will I read my paper tomorrow or will I save that money to buy myself a gum later?
Will I finish my college or will that backlog keep me for one more year?
Will this be my last second or will Alzheimer’s disease kill me when I’m 90?
So funny life is!
Something new every minute. Something hiding around every corner.
Still I say… Einstein is wrong. Not everything is relative.

As simple as a promise one can make.
As real as every breath I take.
No matter what. No matter where.
Whether I’m lying in the gutter, ready to die,
Or high up in the air, with my wings spread wide.
To my deepest desire. To my admitted pain.
I will always think of you, My Love…

I Do.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

That's Me.

Today I start living again.

I feel the sun. Too bright, too dim for my spirit.

I stare long and hard into the light... I feel my own eyes on me.

I don’t fear the fear no more. I’ve embraced it.

Yesterday was long… Tomorrow will be longer… Today will be the longest.

Every second seems to be stretched to an eternity. An eternity is too small for me.

My past can’t touch me. My future can’t see me. My present can’t catch up. What a Loser!!

I want everything. Everything is not what I need.

I don’t wish upon a star. I live among them.

I don’t believe in miracles. I am the only one.

Never complained. Will Never explain.

Don’t want to be good. Bad is not what I am. I am just right.

Deep mountains, Quiet storms, Tall oceans… My wish is my command.

I give nobody the right over me. I have nobody’s right over them.

I state no rules. Rules don’t exist. But… Isn’t that a rule in itself?

Don’t try to understand it. That has been done long back.

No contradictions exist.

No illusion can be stronger than its maker.

No We can be bigger than the I.

My words are my actions. My actions are me.

Strong are my arms. Strong are my legs. Strong is, every word I speak.

I don’t take, I create. I don’t continue I start. I don’t breathe, I live.

Nothing goes beyond my control. Beyond that, my control ceases.

I have been tough on Life. Poor thing! Pushed it too far.

Never learnt to give anything, coz I can only give, what you can give yourself.

I bend down and kiss my feet. I have fallen in love with myself. Just the way I love you, when you love yourself.

I won’t trade my life for anything or for anyone.

I sacrifice nothing. I oblige none. I will listen to all.

Long road, I have to walk before I sleep. I wish to run.

I choose to make a choice. That’s my bottom line.

I stand at the edge of Evolution. I fall over.

I am only an ordinary guy with extraordinary dreams.

Hence I say…

Today I start living again.