Thursday, October 9, 2008

The Enigmatic Answer

“Do you believe in god?”
“I asked do you believe in god.”
“Ya! I do. Why do you wanna ask me that now?”
“Nothin man! Just like that. So you think god exists?”
“Shut up and pass that cigarette. I dint bunk my class today so that we can sit and discuss theology!”
“Ya! But still don’t you think its something… something…??”
“Something what?”
“Mysterious! Or something strange. Like look around, so many people believe in him, pray to him so many times a day, even spend so much money trying to please him, still none can actually give a proper answer to his existence.”
“…and how does that bother you?”
“It doesn’t actually bother me. I mean, don’t you want to know whether he is real or not?”
“Why should I want to?”
“C’mon ra! Just now you said you do believe in god.”
“What do you mean so!? Don’t you want to know for sure? Like completely and totally sure whether you are right or wrong.”
“The only reason I said that I believe in god coz’ that’s what my parents have been telling me… my grandmother has been telling me… see those people erecting the tent for ganesh puja… what they have been telling me! And now you too… who wants to disturb my quiet afternoon smoke!”
“You mean you don’t know whether he is real or not?”
“I don’t care whether he is real or not.”
“Arey! How can you say that? We need to know whether there is a god or not. Or at least something like a supreme power or something. You know…”
“No I don’t.”
“Give me one good reason why I should care.”
“I can give you many!”
“Okay. I’m waiting…”
“Don’t you want to know who made this universe? Who controls the elements? How were you born? Who made this huge ocean… and this bench?
“I’m not totally sure, but I think it’s the GVMC.”
“Ha Ha, real funny! I am serious ra.”
“Chill! Ok, it’s true, I don’t know who made all these… and my subject happens to be medical microbiology… so in what way do you think I need to concern myself with the Big Bang theory? I deal with disease causing microorganisms, not with Origin of life!”
“What if you have to go back to the basics? Like with your germs and all. What if you need to research about how these organisms were created in the first place? Where did they start and when did they actually start affecting people and all that? Then what?”
“Hmmm… good question. I guess then I would sit and analyze all the technical data I have with me. Interpret all the options I see. Use my logical abilities to find an answer. But how can that be a concern for me now? First of all, I know I don’t have to go that far. Secondly, even if I have to, I can’t do anything about it right now coz’ I don’t have all that information. How can I worry about something, without even having a go at it? How can I conclude anything now itself, just like that?
“Maybe… but that doesn’t answer anything.”
“Coz’ you are talking about god like you are talking about some scientific thesis. I am talking about having faith in god and his influence over us. You and me ok. Not all people will do research, trying to find out whether there is a god or not. Believing in god is a matter of faith. Not of experimentation and inferences!”
“So you mean to say we shouldn’t go by our logic?”
“Not exactly…! Like see, there are so many things that happen all the time, which go beyond our understanding. Even for the smarty NASA guys. Logic somehow doesn’t answer everything.”
“True! There are things that go beyond human comprehension.”
“Hence people turn towards god regarding things that are not in their control. Pray to him. Follow religious customs and all. All these stuff for his help.”
“So we need god, since we need his help?”
“You don’t have to look at it that way! I mean all don’t go the temple just because they have a tough exam tomorrow. Oh, shut up! I only went twice, that too it was math, and I managed to pass too. See, it works!”
“Okay! So I wake up early. Dress up neat. Go to the temple. Offer my puja to god. Request him for an easy paper, or a first ranker beside me, or at least a blind invigilator! Right?”
“Well! Not exactly…”
“…and that too, irrespective of how I studied last night for the exam.”
“No! That too is important.”
“I wake up early. Dress up neat. Go to the passport office. Talk to the passport officer. Offer him some money, so that he will speedup my work, or ignore the discrepancies in my paperwork. How about that?”
“How can you relate that to this? This stuff is illegal!”
“I thought if we can do that with god, I guess it can be done the same way with my dear passport officer too. I guess his name is Mr. Babu Rao or something like that. What you say?”
“That’s different man! See, I study my best for the exam and I go to the temple and take god’s blessing. Like we take it from our elders before we do something important. Not every time we pray to god to ask him something. We like him as such, and thank him for all the good things he gave us. What’s wrong with that?”
“Good man! You are on the right track. I think that’s how it should be. But again, that doesn’t apply to me.”
“Coz’ I don’t care either way.”
“As in?”
“Like, I do all that I can do. I give in my best whenever and wherever I can. I need no other help. Be it a blessing or in any other way.”
“Man! You are too conceited.”
“I guess you can call it that.”
“Since you dint take the blessing, what if you fail? I mean asking god for help has its own advantages you know.”
“I’ll take my chances. I am not worried about that. I fail, I fail with no excuses. I tried hard and lost. Fair enough. I never said ‘help me’ when something went wrong. I won’t say ‘thank you’ when I win. I take things as they come. I like that way, and I am pretty much cool with my life.”
“What! Are you some kind of a free spirit individualist or something?”
“Hmm… maybe. I dunno. Never actually thought about. Any more cigarettes left?”
“No ra. All done. You know something, even if tomorrow we come to know that god is real, he won’t be of any use to you. Coz’ I see there is no reason why you need him! Haha! Imagine tomorrow god will appear in front of you, and ask you what do you want, and you will be like… ‘Don’t disturb! We have enough door mats. Go to the next house.’ Man! That would be so funny. What happened? What are you thinking?”
“Nothing… Chal! Let’s go. Let’s go and eat something, and go for a matinee. I’m in a mood for a celebration!”
“Celebrate what?”
“Your second girl friend’s birthday! Shut up and come. Nothing to do for today kada… let’s roam about the city. Where are my bike keys?”
“Here. Where are you running off to? Ok fine, but we need to be back by 9, or my parents will screw me! And I have those assignments to complete for tomorrow too.”
“Chill dude! Tomorrow is another day. Here I start! Last one to reach the noodles stand is a rotten egg!”
Damn! This guy is fast. Wait ra idiot! I am coming…”

Saturday, October 4, 2008

a Love never in Vain

The wind gently kissed me.

A distant sun warming up to me for the love I can give.

The birds, all flocked around, chirping for a Hug which will bring flight into their hearts.

I sat there waiting for her, wondering what made nature love me so much that day!

Is it because that I am the luckiest man alive?
Death too, upon me, then and there, I bet can’t take away that luck from this young soul!

A young soul to which the world has opened up its bosom.
Care and comfort, rained upon him.
Something good and great. He could never comprehend (something to do with his hormones probably!)

She made his days pleasant and peaceful.
Nights calm and quiet.
She whispers him to sleep, all the sweet things that are in store for him tomorrow… and the days that follow.

Life was never, this clear to him.
Nothing bothered him anymore.

His past, too distant to be a pain.
His present, a bliss in honey!
His future, a rose about to blossom.

He never stopped to ask whether all this is real. Was it too good to be true?
Spring never came so early and stayed this long.
But why should he worry? All his world is none, but his angel of dreams… and here she comes in flesh and blood to talk to him, all those words of love and light, without which he could never live.

Why the hell this should not be too good to be true?


This, as he finds out, is too good to be true!

Those were no words of love and light, but brilliant flashes of darkness thrown at him, making him go blind, numb, and frightened.

He could sense his fallen angel repeating words, which he never thought, could be made into sentences…
Sentences, they were not, but a final ultimatum to all the things he holds dear.

Even now, he remembers not a word from all she has uttered. The essence always remained fresh in him.
The words were never important. Her eyes conveyed all the meanings.

He never knew when she finished her torture, when she walked away, when the night had fallen.
A blink of an eye and the Spring stolen from the Seasons. Forever.

The wind stopped blowing.

The sun hid its face.

The birds lost their voice.
Even they couldn’t believe the scene, they’ve just witnessed.
He couldn’t see their pain. They could see his.

I got up slowly, walked a few paces, something made me turn back.
I was not surprised to see the reel stuck, repeating the horror, in slow agony, again and again, till eternity.
My eyes refused to watch, legs refused to walk.

I had to run.
Run as fast as I can.
Run from this cursed place, before it can eat me alive, bit by bit.
But I guess it wouldn’t make any difference. Death has already come upon me and I just stand there… without my heart.

This dead man could never remember how he spent all these days. (Sheer luck, I suppose!)
But nature abhors no vacuum.
Fear got better of me, lost in pain and lost in life.

Days always cried, nights always taunted.
Asked me about her. They already knew the answer. I guess they wanted me to know too.
I didn’t want to accept it.
I don’t want to face it.

Truth gives knows no options. No room for excuses.

Is this how its going to end?
Is this how he’s going down?
Is this how I wish to complete what I started long back?

Why ask questions when you don’t know what to ask?
Give not this young soul hope or inspiration. Give him not love or trust.
Preach him not, the stories of the Brave. Teach him not, the 101 ways to be Happy.

Just give him my word as I give it to you now.
Shake his hand. Pat his back.
Gift him the ten rupees Bar-one and tell him his love will never go in vain.

I’m sure he will smile back at you.